


Hold Onto Me

by discospock (consultingasshat)



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Cuddling, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Vulcan Kisses, brief mention of an injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-05
Updated: 2017-03-05
Packaged: 2018-09-28 09:54:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10089842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/consultingasshat/pseuds/discospock
Summary: Jim wakes up in sickbay to find a very worried Vulcan.





	

**Author's Note:**

> i... suck at summaries. much love to kim @swishyspock for beta-ing this <3

When Jim blinked into consciousness, the first thing he noticed was the clean, antiseptic smell of medbay.

The second was a hushed, constant stream of words.

“I am in control of my emotions. I am in control of my emotions. I am in control of my emotions.”

He turned his head a bit, still blinking in the bright light and wincing as a sharp pain made itself known in his side. He took in the small space of a private medbay room, meant for patients who would be staying there for quite a while. Spock was obviously the source of the quiet litany; he was the only other person in the room and Jim could see his mouth just barely moving. He was sitting in a chair near Jim’s bed, shoulders uncharacteristically hunched, eyes closed so tightly it looked almost painful. Jim felt a tendril of anxiety that had nothing to do with his current condition curl through his belly.

“Spock?”

Dark brown eyes flashed open, and Spock was suddenly at his side, not quite looming over Jim as he usually did, sheer relief present in the lines of his face.

“Captain, I am grateful that you are awake. Do you require anything? I shall inform Dr. McCoy at once, he-” Spock broke off as Jim grabbed onto his forearm.

“No, Spock, stay. Please. What happened?”

“You do not remember?”

All Jim could recall was beaming down to a supposedly safe planet, the sound of phaser fire, and then blackness. He shook his head and Spock pulled his chair even closer to Jim’s bed, sitting down with his back ramrod straight this time. If he noticed that Jim’s hand hadn’t left his arm, he didn’t comment on it.

“When we beamed down onto Vanos, we were immediately met with hostile fire from an intelligent life-form that our scanners did not pick up. Their weapons were unknown and powerful, similar to phasers, yet instead of affecting the whole body at once they cut through the body like a laser. You were… hit, in between the ribs, and…” Spock’s voice trailed off and he closed his eyes, dark lashes fluttering against his cheek. Jim squeezed his arm gently, in what he hoped was a reassuring manner, and Spock opened his eyes once more, blank mask back in place.

“You lost so much blood you blacked out in a mere 10.3 seconds. I left Lieutenant Sanders in charge of getting the rest of the landing team back on the ship, and I beamed up with you immediately. Dr. McCoy would not let me stay for the procedure, but he has informed me that you had major internal bleeding due to your lung being punctured and the surface wound being so large. You will recover but are not fit for duty for at least two weeks.” Here Spock stopped again, swaying slightly in his chair.

“Spock, how long have you been here?”

“26.4 hours, Captain.”

“And how long have you been awake?”

“34.5 hours, Captain.”

“Spock. You need to sleep.” Jim rubbed his thumb over the soft skin of Spock’s wrist, trying to push calm emotions through his fingertips. He knew Vulcans needed less sleep, but Spock was half-human and even a full Vulcan couldn’t go 34 hours without being extremely exhausted. He, too, was beginning to feel the pull of sleep again, and almost missed what Spock said next.

“I was afraid you would not wake up.”

Jim blinked, trying to focus on Spock’s words. “What?”

“I watched the incident happen. I was there and you were bleeding out in my arms at a rate too swift to calculate, and I was afraid, Jim. The depth of that fear… is quite alarming.”

Comprehension dawned.

“Spock. Look at me. It’s _okay_ that you were scared. I know it’s a very human emotion but I’m your captain and your friend and it makes sense that you were scared for me.”

“You do not understand. It was more than that.”

“More... than what?” Jim cocked his head, feeling confused again and just a bit fuzzy-headed from whatever pain meds he was on. Spock looked down into his own lap, cheeks turning a slight green. Jim realized he was still gripping onto Spock’s wrist, but when he went to move it away he felt a flash in panic that wasn’t his own and he left his hand there.

“Captain-”

“Jim.”

“Jim. I realize that it is inappropriate, but after watching you get hurt, the true depths of my… feelings for you made themselves clear. This will not be a hindrance to the performance of my duties, though if you would like to recommend me for a position aboard another ship due to any discomfort you might feel at these unrequited feelings I would be more than willin-” He broke off with a muffled gasp as Jim yanked on his arm and pulled him down for a kiss, ignoring the pain in his side. Spock stayed frozen for a few seconds, and Jim felt a sudden wave of doubt, but he pushed it down and continued to kiss Spock, who finally melted into Jim, pushing back against his lips.

They broke off after what felt like forever, Spock with a barely audible breath and Jim with a gasp, struggling to pull air into his lungs. He suddenly remembered he had lung damage and probably shouldn’t be holding his breath for as long as they’d been kissing, no matter how enjoyable it was. He suffered through a few more raspy breaths until he finally felt like he could talk again, and he opened his eyes to find Spock staring at him, an unreadable expression on his face.

“Okay, no more kissing-” Spock’s face dropped and Jim hurried to finish his sentence. “- _for a while_ , Spock, for a while. I don’t think my lungs can handle it.”

“You… would like to do that again?” The little bit of hope in Spock’s eyes made Jim’s heart ache, and he nodded.

“‘Course I would, Spock, I’ve wanted to do that for... God knows how long. Who knows, maybe we can even do more than that.” Jim winked, but at Spock’s mildly panicked look he huffed out a laugh and grabbed Spock’s hand. “I’m kidding, well, not really, but we can go your speed, of course. What I really meant was we could be… boyfriends. You know. If you’d like that.”

“But regulation…”

“Spock. We’re two of the best officers in the fleet. Besides, it’s not like we’re never bending regulation around here.”

“Yes.”

Jim blinked, unsure of what statement that was meant to answer. Also, the fuzziness in his head was increasing. “Huh?”

“I would like to be… boyfriends.”

Jim felt himself grin brightly and gently tangled his fingers through Spock’s, whose eyes widened as he flushed a delicate green. Jim squinted, trying to figure out what had caused Spock’s reaction. “Did I do something wrong?”

“On the contrary, Jim. This is how Vulcans kiss.”

Jim made a choked noise of surprise, wincing at the sharp pain in his side. “So we’re kissing? Right now? Like… Vulcan kissing? That’s so neat.”

Spock blushed even harder, looking down at their hands. “In a sense.”

“What do you mean?”

Jim watched as Spock gently separated their hands and held out two fingers to him. He copied Spock, touching his own fingers to Spock’s slender ones. His breath caught in his chest, for even though it was just their fingers, it was unbearably _intimate_ somehow.

“This is Vulcan kissing.” Spock’s voice was laced with warmth and a hint of amusement.

“Oh. _Oh_ . So then, when I was holding your hand, we were… what even would that be? Oh my god, _Spock_ , I’m so sorry, I didn’t know-” Jim paused as he struggled to take a breath, shocked at his own uncontrolled outpouring of words. He looked up at Spock just in time to feel a gentle (human) kiss being placed on his forehead.

“Do not worry yourself. Considering I am not adverse to your… advances, there is no need to apologize.” Spock gazed at Jim, who was feeling more content with each passing second, regardless of the pain now thrumming in his side. He moved his hand up to trace Spock’s jaw, watching the way his dark eyelashes fluttered at the touch. Spock swayed slightly, and with a start Jim suddenly remembered how long he had been awake. He started carefully shifting towards the far side of the bed, mindful of his injury but intent on making enough room for Spock.

“Jim? I am unsure of what you are doing, but it does not look advisable considering the extent of your injuries. Please desist.”

“I’m making room for you. C’mon.” Jim patted the bed, now comfortably settled on his own side.

“You are making room for me?” Spock blinked, looked adorably confused, and Jim knew it was a testament to Spock’s tiredness for him to be repeating phrases. “For what purpose?”

“To sleep, because we’re both tired and I want to be close to you.” Jim reached his hand out, grabbing Spock’s wrist and tugging lightly. Spock moved to sit on the bed, pulling off his boots before sliding under the covers to face Jim.

“I will admit I have not slept in the same bed as anyone in many years, and even then it was only when I was was very young and never in a… romantic context.” Spock said, voice a soft murmur. “I am afraid that I… am not sure what to do.” He looked up a bit blearily at Jim, who promptly kissed him on the nose.

“There’s no right way to do it, though relaxing a bit might help.” Jim smoothed his hand over Spock’s side, feeling some of the tension disappearing. “There you go, baby. Here, you can move a bit closer.”

“I do not want to aggravate your injury.”

Jim shifted a bit, gently draping his arm over Spock. “That’s alright, I’ll try not to move too much. I just wanna know you’re here, with me. You know?” He blinked up at the overhead light, much too bright for his current state of tiredness. “Lights, zero percent.”

The light dimmed until they were cocooned in quiet darkness. Jim listened to Spock’s breathing, a slow and steady tempo, and shifted until he was loosely curled around Spock’s back.

“I like you too, you know.”

“Hm?”

Jim smiled at the tiredness in Spock’s voice. “I don’t think I ever actually said it. But we’re boyfriends now, so I can.”

“Is that what… boyfriends say to each other?”

“If they want to.” Jim gently kissed the back of Spock’s neck. “Go to sleep now, sweetheart.”

Spock shifted a bit, pressing closer to Jim then seeming to second guess himself. “I find I cannot.”

“You can’t sleep?”

“It is illogical, but whenever I close my eyes I see… you, in my arms in the transporter room.”

Jim hummed softly, knowing exactly what Spock meant, and tried to think of a way to help. “Alright, turn around in my arms. Gently, though, if you please. Yeah, just like that, sweetheart.” Spock blinked up at him, eyes wide and more trusting than Jim had ever seen, and Jim’s heart melted entirely. “Okay now, put your hand up, here… there you go.”

Spock looked down at where his hand was now spread over Jim’s chest, right where his heartbeat lay. He stayed frozen for a second and Jim held his breath, unsure if he had judged the situation right. Then Spock tucked his head under Jim’s chin and simply nodded, tightening his hand for a few seconds. Jim smiled against dark hair, and pulled Spock as close to his chest as he dared, keeping his injury in mind.

“Okay, now it really is time to sleep, for both of us.” He said gently, kissing the top of Spock’s head. As he drifted off, he realized Spock was already breathing deeply, hand still over Jim’s heart like it was something precious.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!! kudos and comments make my world go round :) as always, I can be found on tumblr at @rosegoldspock


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